Growing Pains and Gains

"...but what
what if no one's watching
what if when we're dead, we're
just dead
what if there's no time to lose
what if there's things we
gotta do
things that need to be said

you know I can't apologize
for everything I know
I mean you don't have to agree with me
but
once you get me going
you better just let me go
we have to be able to
criticize
what we love
say what we have to say
'cause if you're not
trying to make something better
as far as I can tell
you're just in the
way."

-Ani DiFranco, "What if No One's Watching"

The last two days have borne important conversations about the growth and growing pains of CLP. This year has been the beginning of important new projects-- multiple-college internships, year-long local programs, year-long international programs, international visitors and a $25K budget. Amazing achievements and lots to learn.

I know I have a lot to learn, and I sit here writing this feeling like I'm finally getting through some of this muck of the learning and seeing the clarity of the lessons. Last night with CLP@NoVi team and tonight with the intern team really helped me clarify the ways I need to grow to be a better a CLP member, a better facilitator and mentor, as well as a better friend.

(SOME) Key Lessons for Samantha:

1) I need to hold people to higher expectations-- the same expectations I have of myself. And, when they meet those expectations with their own authentic standard of quality-- I need to recognize and value them for their hardwork and leadership.

2) I need to hold people accountable for expectations that are not met. I need to recognize that this is not me being a "bossy bad lady" but being in right relationship with people who are an important part to an important vision. We need them, that's why we need to be accountable. All of us need to be accounted for because all of us are valuable to the process.

3) I need to be a better, more gracious friend. I need to slow down and listen and value the time "to be" just as much as our time of "to do." I need to recognize that this is hard work for all of us and that we are deserving of time of care and relaxation. High standards of excellence in our work and coalition-building are only capable with high standards for balance and self-care.

4) I need to let people own their process in a public and valued way. We need time to air out our despair, anger, fear, grief and frustration. Furthermore, I need to let people own that process-- what is true for one person in CLP will not necessarily be true for the whole organization, nor is it an attack on me. Creating the space to own our individual experiences as members of the organization is essential to individual and collective health and clarity.

5) I need to be better to and gentler with myself. I have run my own body, mind and spirit into the ground, resulting in a projection of my own fatigue on to the people I am partners with around me. I need to respect my own limits and embody healthy commitment-making, excellence and accountability in my own life in order to practice that (and struggle alongside others who are working on that) in CLP.

I'm thankful to all the incredible friends--the volunteers and interns in CLP-- who have taught me so much this month. From Shiva's visit, which required a greater level of honesty and integrity of me than ever before, to my colleagues and peers in Riverside who have taught me more about people-powered organizations in the last two days than I have learned in years.

Thanks.

----

With this reflection, time for everyone else:

1) A reading from the Boston Globe, "The Truth About Grit." You are welcome to comment on this in your reflection question, below. (The reading: http://www.duxbury.k12.ma.us/highendpilot/TheTruthAboutGrit.pdf )

2) Your reflection: What is your re-commitment to or from CLP? What do you plan to get out of this experience to make the next two months the most valuable two months in your entire internship? What are you letting go of to make room for CLP... or how will you let go of CLP to make room for things in your life that are more meaningful?